Colorado State, a team even Cody Hawkins can beat. (Photo by Doug Pensinger/Getty Images)
Colorado State vs Colorado in Denver: The Buffs seem to play perfectly reasonable football anywhere in their home state, as they proved last week against Cal. The moment they depart it, the perfect mixture of mountain air, progressive alternative rock, and the finest ganja in the Rockies vacates their lungs and ears, and the team goes into hangover mode.
Thankfully, Denver is like a stuffier version of Boulder. Tyler Hansen and Paul Richardson will just keep on hooking up until the Rams tap out. And for once, football fans in the Mile High City will not be rooting for Tim Tebow to save them.
They will then go to Columbus and lose by 55 points.
Washington at Nebraska: Nebraska rolled into Seattle last year and exploded for a 75 yard rushing touchdown on each of their first six offensive plays. Washington then rematched with Nebraska in the Holiday Bowl, and somehow tequilaed the Huskers into one touchdown.
Keith Price throws (four interceptions/four touchdowns) as he (comes of age/still isn't quite there yet) and (begins the resurgence/just needs to learn more about what it takes to be a Locker).
Texas at UCLA: Texas will stutter on offense as they throw to the running back out of the flat over and over and over. A seasoned and confident Kevin Prince will rush for 200 yards, and the Bruins will win 34-12 on their way to another losing season. This one was easy.
Missouri St. at Oregon: Missouri State scours Memphis for the best recruits they can find, because we all know the shining example Memphis football sets for the rest of college football. The schools should just participate in a Ninja Warrior Level I obstacle course instead.
Presbyterian at Cal: Ever wanted to know what the Children's Crusade was like on a football field?
Washington State at San Diego State: Oh the Cougars are rocking. They have the best scoring offense in the country, they hung up more points on UNLV than Wisconsin, they're generating Pac-12 North sleeper buzz, and it looks like they're going to roll their way to victory against SDSU, and uh-oh San Diego State just scored a touchdown, and why is Lobbastel throwing to that linebacker? He isn't supposed to be there and no it's 14-0 and now we can't hold onto the ball and Paul Wulff is starting to turn into grim Paul Wulff ...
Arizona St. at Illinois: The Sun Devils look like a sexy pick to do things this season after they showed they can score points. Everyone now expects them to lose in Illinois, where they will of course win by four touchdowns now and they will be proclaimed "Rose Bowl sleepers". The higher the climb, the bigger the fall.
Syracuse at USC: The most dominating, rocking, explosive 16-13 victory you've ever seen from the Men of Troy. Because it's not like anyone can just put 17 points on the Orangemen. It doesn't matter what majesty Robert Woods puts on the football field; he can't stop the ACC-ification of Fight On football.
Utah at BYU: Both teams got what they wanted from expansion, and both teams couldn't detest each other more because of it. You see, sometimes realignment can make tradition stronger. And this is a state where opponents usually blast each other with a smile and Tabernacle choir hymns reverberating in the background.
Stanford at Arizona: Nick Foles throws a completion. Nick Foles throws a completion. Nick Foles throws a completion. Nick Foles throws a completion. Nick Foles throws a completion. Nick Foles throws a completion. Nick Foles throws a completion. Nick Foles throws a completion. Nick Foles throws a completion.
Arizona punts the ball.