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Lane Kiffin Can Never Eat His Favorite Burger Again

The Pac-12 Coaches's Q&A is a treasure-trove of awesomeness, awkwardness, and pathos. The biggest highlight came from everyone's favorite wunderkidcoach, Lane Kiffin.

What's your favorite restaurant anywhere?

Litton's in Knoxville ... the burgers.

A man cannot be separated from his favorite burger without losing part of himself. You can sense that Lane will never be the same without chomping on that tasty rare prime Tennessee grade-A beef, and that he wakes up in the late nights, dreaming of Rocky Top and the finest cuts of Southern meats.

(Although it would be pretty hilarious to hear an offbeat offseason story like "Moustached man looking eerily similar to Coach Kiffin egged at Knoxville burger joint.")

Of course precocious little Lane doesn't stop there. He berates Al Davis for holding similar hours with the Raiders as a frat boy after a weekend bender, and seems to think Mike Stoops is about as fashionable as his wife. Pretty sure that for Stoops to regain his honor, Arizona must now hang 50 on the Trojans.

Other excellent nuggets from each coach.

Chip Kelly is my main brah. Bobby Orr, Dropkick Murphys, seafood from Harpoon Willy's. He somehow gets through his entire interview without singing the praises of Dustin Pedroia and highlighting his shoerack of LL Bean footwear.

David Shaw is that guy who earns his jobs through his extensive usage of name-dropping. "Aw yeah, I had coffee with Bill Walsh all the time for that one month. Brian Billick is only the fourth or fifth guy I know with a Super Bowl ring. Jon Gruden and I went out on a three state car theft spree. I'm your guy."

Mike Stoops really has a passion for filling his fruit basket. It's not clear if he chews out the supermarket aides when they run out of papayas and pomelos, then mass collects a thousand watermelons to stick it to the cashier.

Kyle Wittingham loves the Eagles. Like really really loves them. Note to self: If you get stuck in the middle of a deserted road in Utah, and Wittingham is the only one around willing to give you a ride...might want to ask if you can sleep in the trunk.

Steve Sarkisian by contrast, rocks the J-Boog. When Sark Week debuts on the Pac-12 network in a few years, I expect this to be the theme song, with the UW head coach sipping fruity beverages on the islands of Kauai (pretty sure holding hands with these fine Hawaiian gals would be a secondary violation of some sort).

(Video slightly NSFW)

Jon Embree really appreciated Marcus Allen and Julius Erving for making everything so effortless. He's really going to have to grit his teeth trying to watch Travis Sandersfield play man-to-man.

Rick Neuheisel is a big fan of USC Song Girls, which is always the perfect thing you want to say in a hot seat year as a Bruin head coach. He'd have been better off saying he liked their personalities.

Mike Riley enjoys detective novels set in San Francisco, which gives him and Captain Picard something in common.

Paul Wulff cleans pig pens in his spare time.  And we aren't even talking about the football team! (HEY-O!!!)

Jeff Tedford's favorite food is pork chops and his favorite hobby is working in the yard. If Jeff Tedford were asked what age of humanity he'd have liked to live in, he would've probably picked "Medieval Times, common serf."

Dennis Erickson couldn't give two flying piles of monkey feces about these interviews, and was probably thinking about his tee time during each of these questions.