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Mike Leach Settles Nerd Debates

These are answers to an extended edition interview between Mike Leach that should exist if the universe allows for it to happen. Anything is possible.

Alien or Predator?

Leach: Predator. Strong hands, knows how to operate heavy machinery, hunts dangerous things for sport, perfect strong safety type. Last I checked, Vontaze Burfict can be a dangerous menace, and isn't he like their offspring or something?

Aliens are great and all, perfect physique and all hat, just lack the physicality to handle a large pounding in the league. Predator could just force the ball out of his tiny little mandibles, no ball security. Can't do much damage in wide open space, although I'm sure those Oregon boys could do something with him.

Samurais or Spartans?

Leach: Not sure I like either all that much. Samurais got nicer swords, but they're solitary creatures and are as likely to kill themselves if they fail in their mission. Not at all effective for maintaining a good two-deep roster. Spartans will fight until their enemy is broken, and Samurais never break. Self-sacrifice and defeat. Reminds me way too much of UCLA football.

Ninjas or pirates?

Leach: This is a tough one. The ninjas have the upper hand in stealth. They're warriors of the night and will slit your throats in your sleep if you're not careful enough. One must proceed with extreme caution before dealing with them, they can beat you without having to tackle you, permanently. I'm half-convinced Matt Barkley is one of those.

But what good will it do them if they're out at sea? Do they know how to pirate a ship? Us pirates are smart enough to know that, well... You can't fight and expect to win if you're battling scurvy the whole time we're facing off. Unfortunately you can't fight football in the water. Wouldn't it be something if you could? I think water polo football could be something, and might benefit the cause of the pirate in our game.

In a battle to the death among the great Star Trek races, who wins?

Leach: The Klingons absolutely. Let's go through this a little bit. Klingon obviously kills Cardassians. A Klingon against a Ferengi ... that's pretty well a massacre. A Gorn or whatever: I don't know exactly what a Klingon would either throw a rock at it or engage it in an intractable battle for the ages. Now Borg could be kinda tough. I think you'd want to be a little fast and loose with them. You don't want to get caught by that Borg. The Tellarite ... you gotta dodge talking with them, but I still like the Klingon. Vulcans ... I think the Vulcans would be pretty tough to beat. Andorian: Klingons are bigger than Andorian. Q, that's mythical anyway. Tholian, they may be as well. I think you gotta look out for the Nausicaans and the Tribbles. The Borg, Jem'Hadar and Vulcans .. I think those are the tough ones.

Still, those Vulcans have got that nerve pinch, you're getting ready to fight with them and you're down for the count! They're not going to let you beat them. I used to run my pirate ship past Vulcan every now and then. Vulcans don't mess around. You try fighting them if you want to end up in an ICU. Rather befriend one and use all that logic to your advantage.