Pac-12 Reprimands Clark Gable For Not Giving A Damn

So little sportsmanship in winning a world war. (via alexnunez)

In the spirit of rulings like Tedford v. Incompetent Officials and Matt Barkley v. T-100Burfict, the Pac-12 has decided to go back into the books and review some of the salient verbal jabs of humanity. Here are some of the decisions that are being passed through the books of the Pac-12 offices.

The Pac-12 officially sent a summons to Napoleon's tomb in Paris to publicly rebuke his rather vocal comments about the famed diplomat Talleyrand for calling him "shit in a silk stocking". The Pac-12 officially gave their opinion to the French government that Napoleon's Field Marshal credentials be stripped and his tomb be given a public shaming. "Being draped in the Union Jack for some Tuesday in June" is considered acceptable punishment.

The Pac-12 has sent their disapproval of almost everything Mark Twain has ever done. As punishment, they plan on distributing Prince and the Pauper and heralding it as his seminal work.

The Pac-12 has reprimanded the 101st Airborne Division and their commander Anthony Clement McAuliffe for his verbal diss of the German command's calls to surrender at Bastogne. "We've decided that 'Nuts!' does not reflect the proper spirit of war exercises. A simple 'no thank you' or no response at all would've been considered perimssible. "Sauer-kraut" is also acceptable, plus it's a good source of probiotics."

The Pac-12 has sent out an official public rebuke to Mahatama Gandhi for hunger striking against the British to achieve his goals of Indian independence. "This sets a poor example for teenage student-athletes everywhere that if they just stop eating, they too will become demi-gods in their own countries." The Indian government will be weighing a countersuit for the Pac-12 talking negatively about Mahathma Gandhi (Seriously, this would happen if it ever happened).

The Pac-12 has also handed out official reprimands to the late DeForest Kelley and Gene Roddennberry. "We feel the verbal jabs aimed at Doctor McCoy toward Lieutenant Spock throughout Star Trek: TOS are derogatory and don't show compassion toward the emotional stature of the Vulcan. They don't provide the proper respect deemed necessary toward the Mr. Spock, and we deem it inappropriate for places where no man has gone before. We're not sure how well our student-athletes would treat future proud Pac-12 Vulcans if this is their model of behavior."

As punishment, this video now must be forever linked on their Wikipedia pages.

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