Pac-12 September Power Rankings, Where My Advice Is To Start Drinking Heavily

The theme of this week: Hollywood!

These rankings are based on movies shot in the colleges (or if not applicable, college towns) of the Pac-12.

1. Oregon Ducks - Animal House

You figured that once President William Boyd decided that letting Flounder kill a horse was the symbol he wanted to associate with the University of Oregon, good things would eventually happen for these people.

2. Arizona Wildcats - Revenge of the Nerds

The football team are the antagonists in this movie. And life imitates art.

3. Arizona St. Sun Devils - Jerry Maguire

Hey, it's about football! Secret lesson of this movie: Jerry Maguire was really born to be a college football coach at ASU. Tragic that he never caught on to that and ended up having to spend the rest of his life training Jonathan Lipnicki to do things.

4. USC Trojans - Forrest Gump

Forrest Gump is pleasant, lighthearted, sweet, and highly rewatchable. USC football 2011 is none of those things.

At least Forrest loves Jenny the same way Lane Kiffin loves Robert Woods.

5. California Golden Bears - The Graduate

The Rose Bowl is this super old hottie that Cal gets so seduced by all the time, but they just have so much in common with the safe and happy Kraft Fight Hunger Bowl ...

6. Washington Huskies - Prefontaine

The great Steve Prefontaine goes to Oregon. Huskies are sad.

Steve Prefontaine goes into Munich. The track scenes in the movie are shot in Husky Stadium. The race goes like this.

Dramatic irony, plus Huskies are happy!

Steve Prefontaine's coach was Bill Bowerman, who eventually went on to found ...

Even the films set in Washington suck for Washington.

7. Colorado Buffaloes - About Schmidt

Jack Nicholson drove through here.

8. UCLA Bruins - Breathless

If trailers were movies, Breathless would have swept the Oscars. But trailers aren't movies, so the movie sputtered around for two hours. Kind of reminds you of every UCLA football season ever.

9. Utah Utes - SLC Punk!

The scene wherein Heroin Bob chastises Stevo for using LSD takes place atop Presidents Circle at the University of Utah.

And you thought Salt Lake City wasn't druggy enough for the Pac-12.

10. Stanford Cardinal - Flubber

Nothing better depicts the dignity of Stanford University than this scene.

I watched this one as a kid. I watched the original too. Watched that one in science class. To learn about the properties of "bounce". At least that's what I think my teacher was trying to describe.

11. Oregon St. Beavers - Platoon of the Dead

This movie is atrocious--the trailer tells you that much. But the idea of this movie is brilliant. Here is the official description via IMDB:

Three soldiers must fight to survive the night in a seemingly abandoned house, when a zombie platoon attacks.

Pretty ingenious concept. Everyone keeps on thinking zombies are all about them. But if natural selection is true, it would make sense that they'd eventually learn how to bond as a species.

It'll sure give the History Channel something to think about when they're planning their Zombie-pocalypse TV series.

12. Washington St. Cougars - Sorority Forever

Kinda feel bad for the Cougs here, because it doesn't appear Hollywood camcorders have made their way up to Pullman yet. This is what you're left with.

On the bright side, it's a web series! You can watch the whole thing in an hour or so! Someone let me know in the comments if it comes close to accurately depicting Pullman sorority life.

Preseason rankings: Firefly characters.