I tweeted about watching Pac-12 media day, and a friend misread it as Tupac media days. My friend needs glasses. We both decided Larry Scott dropped the ball by not having "Hologram Tupac" as the emcee of today's event. However if he did, each school would have their own Tupac theme song and it would look something like this:
Arizona: "Until the End of Time"
Key Lyric: "So take, these broken wings, I need your hands to come and heal me once again"
No coach and team are as broken as Rich Rod and Arizona. Rich Rod went from hottest coach in the nation, to another burnt out victim of an unreasonably demanding semi-delusional fan base. Meanwhile the Wildcats went from national contender, to national joke; complete with streaking fan in a referee costume and a brawl while getting blown-out by UCLA. Will Rich Rod and the UofA heal each other and fly again?
Arizona State: "Temptations"
Key Lyric: "And even though I'm known for my one night stand, I wanna be an honest man, but temptations go..."
The coach infamous for the "one-year stand", Todd Graham promises he's changed for ASU, but when Todd Graham's dream job at "(CurrentSalary + $1) University" comes calling, will Graham cheat or will he be committed?
California: "Dear Mama"
Key Lyric: "You're tryin to raise two bad kids on your own, And there's no way I can pay you back, But my plan is to show you that I understand, You are appreciated."
Keenan Allen and Zach Maynard are half-brothers, and the brother connection was strong last year. In 2011, Allen caught 42% of Maynard's completions, 45% of Maynard's yards and 35% of Maynard's touchdown throws. If they can duplicate that effort, and cut back on the interceptions, Cal could do some damage in the North Division.
Colorado: "Keep Your Head Up"
Key Lyric; "ooo child things are gonna get easier"
It has to get easier than 2012 right? Colorado was out of their league (literally), but hopefully in the next few years, they start playing PAC-12 level football.
Oregon: "Hail Mary"
Key Lyric: "Revenge is like the sweetest joy"
Assumed to be dead and buried in the PAC-12 by the Trojans, Oregon hopes to pull a Machiavelli, get their revenge for 2011 against USC and regain their rightful throne on top of the conference.
Oregon State: "So Many Tears"
Key Lyric: "I suffered through the years, and shed so many tears"
After fighting with Oregon in 2009 in the Civil War for the Roses, OSU has fallen off the map while their rivals in Eugene have become elite. Can they mend the damn?
Key Lyric: ""That's just the way it is, Things'll never be the same, That's just the way it is"
Things will never be the same again without Andrew Luck, back to the middle of the pack until the next once in a generation QB with a 4.0 GPA comes around.
UCLA: "To Live & Die in L.A."
Key Lyric: "It's the City of Angels and constant danger South Central LA, can't get no stranger"
New coach, Mora Grit, but same issue, they have to beat the South Central Trojans or die trying. Does Tupac have a son? Does he play football? Does he like scholarships?
USC: "California Love"
Key Lyric: "[Southern] California, knows how to party"
After a 2-year bowl ban, USC is ready to get back into the BCS party.
Utah: "All Eyez On Me"
Key Lyric: "Will I survive, will I die? Come on let's picture the possibility"
After transferring to Utah, JW4 (John White IV) took the PAC-12 by surprise and finished 9th in the nation in rushing yards. This year, all "eyez" will be on the diminutive SoCal native, and Utah will live or die on his running ability.
Washington "I Ain't Mad at Cha"
Key Lyric: "I ain't, mad, at cha"
Washington's coaching staff, comprised mostly of coordinators from other PAC-12 programs, make this the perfect song for Washington, each week, former homies will face off.
Washington State "Picture Me Rollin'"
Key Lyric: "Can you see me now? Heheheh, Move to the side a little bit so you can get a CLEAR picture, Can you see it? Hahah, Pictue me rollin"
Washington State's Mike Leech is playing to win, and to show Texas Tech what they're missing.
I've laid the blueprint for you Mr. Scott; now get on this before the Big East steals our thunder with the Notorious B.I.G. East hologram.
Note: I generally write about the Buffalo Bulls of the MAC conference if you are ever jonesing for Wednesday night Maction but are not sure what is going on you can find me at ubbullrun.com. I also attended USC, thus (bull_trojan) and will occasionally wax poetic about the PAC-12 and the Trojans, mostly on twitter @conradmostiller