Pac-12 as 2012 Presidential Candidates

There are two things that occupy most of my free time, the Pac-12, and presidential politics. It wasn't too long before I started noticing parallels between the two. I played around with the idea, and it eventually grew into a full blown Lincoln Kennedy comparison. Except minus the whole assassination thing.

 

 

Arizona-Herman Cain
Both have one thing really going for them, Nick Foles, and a pizza empire. Unfortunately, that's about it. Fortunately, Arizona has basketball season to look forward to, and Cain has millions and millions of dollars. 

Arizona State-Rick Santorum
If you Google either of their names, you’ll probably end up looking at really gross porn. Coming into this year both fan bases somehow disillusioned themselves into thinking this year would be different. Instead it is just a frothy mix of penalties, debate gaffes, and disappointment at the hands of people from Illinois. 

Cal-Jon Huntsman 
Smart, both speak Chinese, and their sense of humor probably doesn’t translate well to other schools/candidates/the general public. Plus they have affiliations with the reigning champ. Huntsman was Obama’s ambassador to China, and Tedford was Oregon’s offensive coordinator. On paper they seem like they have some potential, but they are probably both a ways away from challenging the front runners. 

Colorado-Gary Johnson 
Who’s that? They’re running? They’ve been off the grid since leaving office/ hiring Dan Hawkins, but now they’re back...well at least according to their press releases. Colorado's head coach Jon Embree, and Gary Johnson have decent credentials, but neither have actually held a real executive position. No, being governor of New Mexico does not count. Gary Johnson, also, has encouraged a reevaluation of the war on drugs, and Colorado is, well Colorado is still high from last years 4/20 celebration. 

Oregon-Barack Obama
The reigning champs, expected to win in part because everyone else can’t keep it together/hide their craziness. Despite solid performances, since an initial shaky start, they are not the dead on favorites to win. This is due to lingering and important weaknesses. Obama, with the economy, and Oregon, with their run defense. Plus both have possible scandals looming over their heads, with the Willie Lyles and Solyndra situations. 

Oregon State-Tim Pawlenty 
It’s not even October and they are out of the race. Their only impact now is giving endorsements/easy wins to the front runners. Somehow, they will still end up beating Jon Huntsman/Cal. 

Stanford-Mitt Romney 
Well off, privileged, and generally considered a little strange. Both are trying to appear like your average blue collar worker/traditional football power, with limited success. They can’t really draw a crowd to rallies or home games, but they are doing well in the polls. As the leading contenders to Obama/Oregon, there is a decent chance they will be your next Pac-12 champ/President. That is, as long as they can win their home games/state.

UCLA-Newt Gingrich 
It is kind of a dead man walking type situation. Newt and Neuheisel won’t admit they are done for, even after being blown away by Texas/Texans. Lets face it, they peaked in the 90’s and it’s going to take some fresh blood, and possibly a new wife to get these two back on top. 

USC-Sarah Palin 
A possible front runner...if they were legally in the race. Despite their non-run for high office/championship, they are still happy with showing up and causing trouble for anyone else who’s giving it a shot. 

Utah-Rick Perry
Like Rick Perry, Utah is new in town. Both have shown a lot of potential on their home turf, but nobody is quite sure how they’ll react to playing with the big boys. It is also more than likely that both are carrying guns, and they have recorded extraordinarily high numbers when it comes to fumble recoveries and executions. 

Washington-Michelle Bachmann 
Some things, like shutting down the EPA and Nebraska’s offense, work better in theory. Just make sure you don’t stare directly into their crazy eyes. 

Washington State-Ron Paul
This year has opened with surprisingly successful starts for Ron Paul, and Wazzu. Ron Paul with taking second in the Iowa Straw Poll, and Wazzu starting 2.5-0 (They were winning at half which counts for something). While you won’t admit it to your neighbor, you secretly hope they do well. At least when they aren’t up against your guy. They make for a feel good story, but the reality is they won’t do much this year. You can only go so far with a backup quarterback, and extreme libertarian principles.